Funny One Liners & Quotes

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.

2.. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5.. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6.. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9.. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.

10..Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12..God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13..The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14..Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15..Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16..Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!

17..Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18..Procrastinate Now!

19..I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20..A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Mental Math and slowing down aging

I can’t prove this but I bet that doing lots of mental Math can help slow down aging. In studying a number of techniques for doing fast arithmetic I notice a number of mental skills at play:

1. Pattern recognition. Many tricks involve recognizing and exploiting a pattern.
2. Visualization of processes. Multiplying large numbers together requires you to hold a mental image of multiple steps.
3. Alertness. Falling asleep will cut way down on your efficiency in every technique!
4. Mental speed. Impressing your friends will require you to develop speed in your technique.
5. Memory. Efficient arithmeticians memorize more Math facts than others. Some people, for example, find memorizing the squares of all numbers up to 25 to be helpful in certain techniques. Also, you often need to maintain a running total in your head and keep track of carries..
6. Concentration. When multiple steps need to happen in a sequence your powers of concentration will improve.

A friend and I were discussing how mental Math could help maintain the plasticity of the brain, its ability to reorganize itself in response to new information. She thinks that doing a number of cross-multiplications every day can keep the brain active as we age. I agree.