Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
December 1, 2016
April 27, 2009
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BOSS
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
Interview Rejects
Hello Friends,
We know that interview rejects are very common but on what basis the candidate gets rejected is important, mentioned below are some funny reasons which will definitely bring smile on your face............happy reading.
INTERVIEW REJECTS
Story I
E: Do u have a boyfriend?
C: I have.
E: Is he working Locally?
C: No. He is working Overseas.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u!
C: Why?
E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just
because of u.
Story II
E: Any girl friends?
C: No.
E: So far chased any before?
C: Have, but not successful.
E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a
girlfriend?
C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider This
personal issue.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.
C: Why?
E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!
Story III
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: Yes.
E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.
Story IV
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: No. Have a few already.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are
a "grasshopper"!
(Job hoper lah!)
Story V
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich ?
C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.
E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even
want to employ you, neither do we!
C: But,...... there is no position in his company.
E: Then,..... what is your qualification?
C: Secretary!
E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will
affect our managers' working spirits.
C: But,...... I am not pretty at all.
E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!!
We know that interview rejects are very common but on what basis the candidate gets rejected is important, mentioned below are some funny reasons which will definitely bring smile on your face............happy reading.
INTERVIEW REJECTS
Story I
E: Do u have a boyfriend?
C: I have.
E: Is he working Locally?
C: No. He is working Overseas.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u!
C: Why?
E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just
because of u.
Story II
E: Any girl friends?
C: No.
E: So far chased any before?
C: Have, but not successful.
E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a
girlfriend?
C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider This
personal issue.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.
C: Why?
E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!
Story III
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: Yes.
E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.
Story IV
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: No. Have a few already.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are
a "grasshopper"!
(Job hoper lah!)
Story V
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich ?
C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.
E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even
want to employ you, neither do we!
C: But,...... there is no position in his company.
E: Then,..... what is your qualification?
C: Secretary!
E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will
affect our managers' working spirits.
C: But,...... I am not pretty at all.
E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!!
February 1, 2009
Little johnny
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so interesting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.
Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mummy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."!
At the dinner table, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Moral for women: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
Little Johnny found this so interesting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.
Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mummy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."!
At the dinner table, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Moral for women: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
Things i hate...
9 Things i hate about Everyone.
1.People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal,where the hell is yours? Do i point at my crotch ,when i ask where the toilet is?
2.People who are willing to get off their censored to search the entire room for the T.V remote becoz they refuse to walk to the T.V and change the channel manually.
3.When people say"oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".Damm right? what the good is cake if you cant't eat it.
4.When people say"its always the last place you look".Of course it is.why the hell would you look keeping after you have found it? Do people do this?who and where are they?Gonna kick their asses!
5.Why people say while watching the film"did you see that"?No looser i paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damm floor.
6.People who ask "can i ask you a question".... don't really give me a choice there,did ya sunshine?
7.when something is 'new and improved!' which is it? If its new,then there has never been anything before it. And it it's improvement,then there must have been something before it,could't be new.
8.When people say "life is short".what the hell?? life is the longest damm things anyone ever does!! what can you do that's longer?
9.When you are waiting for bus and someone ask "Has the bus come yet?".If the bus came would i been standing here,dumbass?
1.People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal,where the hell is yours? Do i point at my crotch ,when i ask where the toilet is?
2.People who are willing to get off their censored to search the entire room for the T.V remote becoz they refuse to walk to the T.V and change the channel manually.
3.When people say"oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".Damm right? what the good is cake if you cant't eat it.
4.When people say"its always the last place you look".Of course it is.why the hell would you look keeping after you have found it? Do people do this?who and where are they?Gonna kick their asses!
5.Why people say while watching the film"did you see that"?No looser i paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damm floor.
6.People who ask "can i ask you a question".... don't really give me a choice there,did ya sunshine?
7.when something is 'new and improved!' which is it? If its new,then there has never been anything before it. And it it's improvement,then there must have been something before it,could't be new.
8.When people say "life is short".what the hell?? life is the longest damm things anyone ever does!! what can you do that's longer?
9.When you are waiting for bus and someone ask "Has the bus come yet?".If the bus came would i been standing here,dumbass?
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